Thoughts that written by ordinary woman who has been through lots in her life. There are the ups, the downs and the hurdles, but I manage. Through all that, I just lay my life to God. For the fun parts, I love dancing ( hip hop, street and LA style ), books, movies, eating, food, and just sleep!

Sunday, November 28, 2010


Music really influences me how I live my life and watching Glee is one of my favorites. Here's one song I really like. The melody soothes me. The lyric very easy to understand and beautiful. This song also help me getting through my sorrow.

This song originally sang by Charlie Chaplin. Without further a do, here's the lyric :


Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Is It New Year Already?

loving my new hair!! not only my hair is new..I'm embracing changes

Yeahhhhh..!! Whoopp..whoopp...I don't know why, I'm feeling like New Year already. Everything is new in 40 days before new year. New hair, new work, new skill, new people I'm dealing with, new routine and (hopefully) new relationship. Not just that, I'm putting new attitude. I have new life lies a head, and I know I'm going through to it no matter what. Because I'm a survivor. I'm smiling back to the world.

In middle of August my life was like a bitch, time went by, day, week and month went by, cold and hot weather. I made it. My life that was shattered because of John Tucker, slowly back to its places. I've got a new job where the location is the same area as in my gym ( very cool ).

Some people wait for new year to make changes, to make differences in life. But..DON'T wait!! Make changes now! Don't be afraid with changes and you'll feel new year earlier than anybody else!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Good or Bad, I Stand in Prayers

In my previous post,I was fuming out. It was not a right time to write anything. Two days have passed, I used my time to pray. Didn't take a long time that anger disappear.

I'm a true believer of praying. My prayer might not be granted straight away, but by praying I feel peace, one burden lifted up, like magic.

Praying builds up my positive perspective,brings hope, take me out from the dark. Four months ago, my life was falling part. I resigned from job, John Tucker cheated on me, my tutorial saved my financial problem. I couldn't breath easily. Praying was only I could do. Each day, each morning, each night, I prayed and prayed ( somehow being jobless made me have more time to pray ). I prayed for strength to face my problems, my sorrow.

Takes a while to put my life back together. Now, my life is back to its place. I got the job which I'm dreaming of. My new environment is very positive.

Two days ago, my anger towards John Tucker really filled my heart. Through prayers, I was easy to let go him. It was easy to make peace with him.

I don't know, what's in John Tucker's mind. But I pray, hoping God will make him realize the pain I've had gone through. I've done my part, let God do the rest. It's up to HIM what HE's going to do with John Tucker.

Whatever it's going to happen or what happened, I stand in prayers.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Oh Come On...Not Again!! Jerk!!

It was just recently that I finally made peace with the pain that this jerk gave me. My life is back to normal and I'm over him..I don't care what happen to him. And suddenly, on Sunday night ( 14/11/2010) this jerk message me through BB. Called me baby girl. At one point I'm happy because it means, opportunity opens for this jerk to return my friend's camera.

After few messages, he said this : can you keep a secret and promise not to write about it. I just agreed, nothing to expect. Then he wrote : I still love you.
That night he told me how he's been confused with his own feeling. Good thing I didn't trust him right away.

The next day, in the middle of me giving tutorial, I received a phone call from a woman and it came all they from England..where that jerk comes from. She claimed to be his girlfriend ( which I don't care and I could sense that he's seeing someone else over there ). She told me tons of facts about him. As much as I try not to care, it did ruin my mood. I had to keep myself together and be cool.
Thank God, after my tutorial I have my dance class.

At night,despite this jerk know a woman called me, he's still busy all dovey lovey with me. Telling me how he loves me. He wants to marry me blah blah.

To be honest, I really prefer not to know the details because I have gotten over him. Now I have to start all over again.

All the anger, the rage, filled my heart again. Thank God, for every storm in my life I stand in prayers. I managed to stay calm and cool.

There's still I want to get even with him..bigh time. So I wish him dead. I lied when I wish him. I DID NOT!! I try to wish him well, for my own sake, for my own heart

Oh God..I'm fuming out writing this. I just can't believe having relationship with him feels like roller coaster ride from HELL!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Give It Up To My Man.....EMINEM!!!

For today's post I was going to write about "John Tucker" again ( from now on I'm going to refer my ex fiance as John Tucker ), but after a while and since I'm listening to Eminem while I'm writing this post. So, I decided to write about Eminem and how his songs ( more to his raps ) effect my life.

Eminem is known for his rash lyrics, all his albums labeled with "Parental Advisory" but if look it carefully what's in his lyrics, it shows how being different, his struggles, ( some ) about mockery of capitalism, and being tough through all the storms. He's been always different than other rappers. He's white and he's hot *wink*

When this "John Tucker" bastard playing on me and the same time work life was not cooperating. One morning, his latest song, "Not Afraid" played on MTV. It suddenly moved me like magic. After that, I downloaded almost all his songs and never get bored listening to them through my iPod.'re my man!! Holla at you!! Thanks for all the inspiring lyrics.

John Tucker Must Die

The title of this post is the title of a movie as well. I can't remember what year of this movie released. I think it's more than 10 years ago. A witty funny movie.

This movie remind me of someone. A lover guy, who have hurt many women in his life, including my heart. This "John Tucker" is my ex fiance. Does he deserve to die? When your heart is fuming, you would say yes. But afterwards, you feel pity for this "John Tucker". He has nobody in his life. He might be a womanizer but he has no love. His heart is empty. He probably end up die alone.

Maybe we women, need a guy like "John Tucker" make us realize about love, and bumping into this kind of guy make us learn to be stronger. After my relationship ended with him, I learn so many many things.

So perhaps John Tucker not really must die and for the reasons I mentioned above there are men like John Tucker. However, men like John Tucker should learn his lessons before he checks out from this world.