Thoughts that written by ordinary woman who has been through lots in her life. There are the ups, the downs and the hurdles, but I manage. Through all that, I just lay my life to God. For the fun parts, I love dancing ( hip hop, street and LA style ), books, movies, eating, food, and just sleep!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

In Need Of Shoulder To Cry On *sob*

A song from one of my childhood idol : Tommy Page. Is there anyone can offer this? The part I want most : Side by side with you till the end...Whoooaaaaa..I want to cry nowww...*sob*

Shoulder To Cry On
Life is of lots up and downs
But the distance feels further
When it's headed to the ground
And there's nothing more painful
Than to let your feeling take, you down
It's so hard to know
The way you feel inside
When there's many thoughts
But you might feel better
If you let me walk with you, by your side
And when you need a shoulder to cry on
When you need a friend to rely on
And when the whole world's gone
You won't be alone, cos I'll be there
All of the times
When everything is wrong
And you're feeling like there no use going on
You can't give it up, I'll help you work it out
and carry on...
Side by side with you till the end
To firmly hold your hand
And when the whole world's gone, you always have my shoulder to cry on.....

Gloomy Sunday

*Sigh* I feel so sad today. Went to the gym and joined body combat but still feel sad. Seems the dark cloud clinging over me today. I miss having someone for shoulder to cry on. I miss having someone to share everything with.

Feeling empty and lonely. The class was fun and my weight training was okay but as soon I get to the locker..the sad feeling just bursted again.

I feel tired faking myself to be happy. I just want to cryy..just want to cry. I'm only human being..I can't be happy all the time. And when I'm sad I need somebody to lean on with open arms for my shoulder to cry on.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Excursion Picsies

Craziness over football! Even we are in the museum, football is always in my boys' mind. The boys were in luck, which museum allow you guys playing football. On the bus they were busy cheering for Barcelona ( Thanx God they won )

Here we are at Bank Mandiri Museum waiting for the elevator

Whole class at Bank Mandiri Museum

Can you believe we are in a museum??
*my favorite picture BTW*

Before leaving Bank of Indonesia Museum

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Sunday Adrenaline

Woke up with headache, but didn't stop me to decide going to the gym. It's never wrong going to the gym I thought. It's best leisure time when I'm broke ^-^. So it was good. I really enjoyed my Sunday gym. The gym is quite, no need to queue for the machines. No grunting men, no bulky and ugly men who often dropping the weights. It's just so right. Traffic is also quite on Sundays.

Another advantage is I have more time for my beauty treatment; body scrub and hair mask.

Not to forget on the way back from gym, my dream man called..aaawww..very nice surprise. I didn't expect he'd call. I think he's happy if I spend time in the gym than nagging him why no text message or phone call *giggle* but I think it shows my appreciation if his gift : a life time gym membership and Nike shoes.

See...why I can't get over him and always fall for him?????

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Saturday Night Blog

It's drizzling outside and clock shows 6 minutes to 9.
Let me tick what I've done : laundry..check...clean the bathroom..check...clean the fans...check...mopping the floor..check...kitty nap..check

Still thinking about my dream shoes, when I checked yesterday just 1 pair left..hiks..hiks..sob....there's another pair but more expensive.

My younger sister just was being little bit annoying with her attitude.

Kinda sad, waiting his phone call, really miss him a lot, miss having someone to share with.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Why he doesn't want to marry me ?

Why he doesn't want to marry me ya???? can only dream...dream...dream...dream....:(((

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

If I Can't Have My Dream Man, Can I have My Dream Shoes?

We can always dream, there are dreams are shattered, there are dreams come true. Some of my dreams come true, some are just shattered, some..I just decided to drop it.

I have a dream man. He's not that handsome, I'm not sure he's in the category. He's not athletic, in fact he's rather skinny. But I'm crazy about him. Totally crazy about him.
But..takes a lot of effort to get this man's heart.

Then I have this dream shoes. Nike shoes, saw them last week. It's like ballerina shoes, flat and with satin strap. Perfect combination between technology and fashion. When my foot slipped to the shoes, nothing I felt beside total comfort. I want them so bad. The price is quite wallet damaging. Need serious thought before purchase it.

Well, if somehow my dream man refuses my love then at least..can I have my dream shoes to cheer me up.....

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wishful Thingking (?)

Just out of the blue ( miraculously his heart opened ) , he bend on his knee and :
Him : "Will you marry me?"
Me : " Have you thought about it, are you sure ?"
Him : " Yes, will you ?"
Me : "Of course ...." ( and I hug him )

Couple months later...Indonesian theme outdoor pool party. Just small reception attended by my family, his family, my friends and his friends.

But.....that was just a wishful thingking.....

Monday, May 18, 2009

Lyrics For Today

Let's start from Kanye West : Heartless

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, she lost her soul to a man so heartless
How could you be so heartless..

Homie I don't know he's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
Cause I already know how this things go..

Now second...Enrique Feat Ciara : Taking Back My Love

'Cause you meant the world
So did I deserve to be left and hurt ?
I give it all up, but I'm taking back my love..

Sunday, May 17, 2009


In my dream, I want him to be with me everyday, relaxing together on weekends, all the romantic things. But..ummm since I think we are in "no string attached" kind of relationship thus I have to use my time wisely and need activity to occupy my mind.

And today, I came up with making pop corn! Yes, I think I'm mastering how to make pop corn in an old fashioned way. And today,I have figured out how to make the caramel pop corn that sold in supermarket. After few trials of course. Now I gain another ability!

Thingking to make it as small business....hmm...*daydreaming mode on*

Trial and error

Packed and ready to be sold

Two different flavours : plain and caramel

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Saturday Scratches of Thoughts

Came out with some scratches today..

First of all I have come to my decision to just bite ( and swallow ) the bullet stay with my job now. This because I saw really nice nike shoes ( not the sporty one but like flat ballerina shoes). Does it sound lame to stay in my job just because of nike shoes? Hhhmmmmm....naaaahhhh!!!! I want those shoes!!

Secondly : I'm totally fall for him, totally ready for commitment but he's NOT. I'm happy spending time with him. I always miss everything about him. His text messages always cheer me up. But he is not into commitment :((((((((( Wish there's more in this relationship and have no idea I still keep this little blind faith.

Thirdly is I've been eating too much! and craving for sushi at this sushi place called Sushi Tei. The sashimi salad is sssooo goood, very cruncy crispy roll and yummy cold soba. Not to forget free flow of green tea. I can't wait to go there again.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Between Two Choices

These two questions always popping in my head : pursuing dream as a writer or having a job that I've been dreading ? It's not really the job that is bad. I need more challenge and I know I can do it. Another reason is perhaps I'm getting older, the distance from my work to house is quite far and pretty tiring these days. But the core is I REALLY NEED THIS CHALLENGE!

I'm listing down the positives and the negatives, if I resign and pursuing dream instead. The only thing I stay in this job is because it pays the bill.

Is it all about believe?If I believe I can do it then I can do it? Would it be true ?

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Accepting The Difficulty

"Opportunity...often it comes in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat"

Napoleon Hill

I felt want to cry and scream..I know I can do that! But then as I calmed myself ( thanks to exercise and good coffee ), I accept this situation. There's no good if I'm just blaming people,being meanie or any negatives attitude.

One thing I truly believe..there would be something good for me if I keep being positive. I'm not lowering my work pace and still doing my best at work.

Then I found these 2 quotes ( the other already put on the top ) and the other one was said by Albert Einstein : "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity". This time perhaps I'm having such difficulty with work but this is my opportunity to show who I'm, to work harder instead of dwelling.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

When Heart Chooses

In the moment we wake up or starting the day we are faced with choices. What clothes should I wear today? What do I do with my hair ? and more Do we get to decide today is happy day or not. Decisions have to be made. Our life experience, knowledge, intuition etc will determine what choice we make.
It is our choice how our life or day would be.

This late afternoon on a treadmill, I made a choice. I probably let go a good opportunity and let somebody's heart down. But it was the decision I have to make. With this decision I might be the biggest loner in the world. I might be hurt. If it is so, then just be it. There would be no regret. I prefer to sort out my life first, I'm in the middle of rejoicing my gym moments which was gone for a while and having a blast exploring life. Beside that my heart still with him. Give me time to let go.

For those who say care about me..please have respect of my decision. If things turn bad, then offer me shoulder to cry on instead of "I told you so".

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Against All Odds

Couple days back, I showed my colleagues one of blogs, which was Suddenly Slimmer. They expression after saw my blog more of mocking me and laughed at my blog, instead of compliment.
It got me down for little bit. Minutes later, I said to what...I think they are just envy, I have my own blog; a place to express my alter ego. And they don't have it.
I love going to the gym, I love the dancing classes, I found a way to express myself through writing. I found great passion about fitness. I love wisdom quotes. I love dressing up.
So what if they laugh at me. So what if they think I'm just a pretty face. So what if I'm not fit in. So what if they think I'm not a good writer, just because I don't write about love, fictional or poem. So what if I don't want to be skinny.
Even with limited english, with all the storms in front of me. I'm still going to chase one of my dreams : become a writer.