Monday Morning @work' Thoughts

• Suddenly I want to become a MEAN PERSON! A really mean...a vicious one.
• I want to eat spicy and sour food.
• Craving for lamb satay
• Thinking to do something evil to someone
• Trying hard to be positive in spite of these difficulties
• I need a tree which grows money

• 
• I need HOLIDAY!!!!!! I mean real holiday..traveling to another country not just in Jakarta.
• I am SUPER BORED.....
  

Bored on Rainy Thursday

It's raining outside, filled with thunder and lightning. A perfect time to sleep, but unfortunately I have to watch my students.
Huge boredom seems to flow in my vein, and with sleepy eyes I'm pretending to be busy in front of my laptop.

But hey, what do you know, the drowsiness brought me into wild ideas of writing. A newborn blog will be coming soon. I'm visualising the concept and the content of the blog. It will be in my own mother tongue,will be about the daily life experience, me commenting the happening issues around here.

Boredom can be a reason to be creative....sometimes....sometimes....:)

My Visa Application Being Refused???? WHat theee,..

Well another thing didn't go like I expected..my visa to UK been refused. I have big expectation to visit uk and meet my significant other. I couldn't believe it, I wanted to scream...."WHAAATTTTT????" I just want to meet my boyfriend, I dont have any intention to stay there..!!

And at this moment, he's busy travelling because of his work. He probably wont make it in time to come here for photographic proof.

I can't blame the visa officer, it's his job to decline my visa application because it's not convincing enough.

I'm trying to accept this issue but...I CAN NOT!!! I've been longing to go. And it was just one more thing to go...the visa..and it's being REFUSED...:(((

Still want to go...still praying that miracle will happen...

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Times really flies..there are ups and downs
Been very busy these days. Many thoughts but can't express it in a writing. I prefer to doodle on a piece of paper and throw it away.

Sorry God..

I'm sorry for not believe you these couple of days
I'm sorry for not being so grateful
I'm for mad at you of what happened, considered you are not fair..
But I can't help it..I'm only human..

Sometimes, I just want to give up, quit the figh, because I'm tired..
I look for your help and sometimes it doesnt go my way..I get sad and frustrasted..

I can only say sorry for now, I still believe you are exist..but at this moment..I don't care if I go to hell, I just want to be sad now...sorry if I'm just a sinner

I Can't..

Sometimes it's very tiring to get beat up..
It's very tiring even just motivating myself to move on..sometimes I just want to stop.

Accepting

Things come and go
Some things they are kept for years, some just last for days, months
People come and go
Some stay with me, some gone...

When things are not going as I want them to be. It is sad but the only best thing I can do is be grateful of what I have now.

Making It Come True

Success starts from a dream. Now I have dreams, loads of them. But, as they always say, to be successful, can't just dream it, but need to do it. And that's I'm doing right now. It seems a very,very,very long road, bet it's going to be a bumpy ride. I'm not afraid and I'm taking it one step at a time.

Wishing myself a luck

Another One...

When I'm reading articles about letting go, denial and anything that will help to go through this letting go process.

I often complain how my life is unfair, how difficult it is just let him go, how he always has the right thing to say or to do to get what he wants and many more. I thought that time I was able to let go him, yes....but not 100%. And I'm not ready for it. The worse thing he knows I'm not ready and he takes advantage for it. Yet, I'm still foolishly in love with him.

As for work, it's not come easy as well. I faced some failures, although I have accepted the truth and being grateful that I have learned a valuable lesson. All the failures make me learn, make me to be more prepared for the next challenge in life. However, sometimes, I'm still sad why I didn't make it.

But when I was browsing, I found this interesting quote :

Life is not a success-only journey. You're going to get beat up along the way

This make me realize, nothing comes easy. Although I have overcome bitter moments, passed
( what seems ) the tests in life, and when I thought I have succeeded and there won't be more obstacles...I was wrong.....

It's journey full of struggle,tears, sacrifice, happiness, laughter, sorrow,joy until the time is come to meet the creator of life, God. It's like a game, once succeed to first level, up to the next level until the whole levels finish.

Now, I know..I'm going to be up along the way and all the obstacles in life are nothing beside my "ammunition" to keep fighting in this life.

Denial

These days I'm aware at this moment I'm on denial and this has been cycling through my life. The facts are there in front of my eyes. He has shown himself of what he is. Yet, I'm still standing here waiting in certainty. I'm not accepting the truths and the worse part is I haven't been able letting him go.

The more I try to let go, the more I grow hopes of him and the more I'm running back to him.
Be honest, I'm frustrated with this kind of feeling.
I know holding on to him, always running to him it's nothing but hurt me more. I know that!!! But how to let go? How do I stop from denying things ?

I have made peace with him, I have forgiven him for all the pain he caused. But when I forgave him, I love him more...Oh My God!!!

When I have the courage, the strength to let go...he always knows what to say or what to do.
How cruel is that?

It was...

Everyday text without absence
Phone calls, your voice is like water in oasis
Flowers and stuffs...treated me like a princess
You are
But it was then..

Now, there's no more of that
Seems that we go to the different path

I can only pray, when your heart will open, your eyes will see...

And Then A Hero Comes Along

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast the fears aside
And you know you can survive

So when you feel like the hope is gone
Look inside and be strong
That you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

A beautiful lyric from Mariah Carey "Hero"

Miss Him 'Till It Hurts

How could miss someone who did you wrong?
How could miss someone who hurt you through and through?
I know he's no good for me..but why I miss him?

I hate missing him and it's very awful when I miss him. It hurts...it hurts so bad.

Better In Time

Quoting the lyrics from one of Leona Lewis' songs ; Better In Time. I think this song really suits me at this moment and other moments when I want to let go....

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it Now
I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learnin'To love again
All I know isI'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause
I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something that'd remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let that hurt my feelings
But that's the path I've been living
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

---------------------

Time will heal all the wounds right?

Another Lesson About Patience

Today, I learn again the value of patience, sharpening the ability to become patient. Whatever happened earlier, I decided to take it as practicing my patience. There's no use being impatient and rush things. What I got is only anger, frustration and agitation. In fact I hurt someone's else feeling by being impatient. I feel guilty about it.

Well, I guess it's time just sit back as watching the night sky and enjoy the moment.

PS : perhaps on the way become patient, I might lose temper or agitated or upset.

Patience Tested

All the patience I have is being tested these days. My efforts seem fruitless and dreams are shattered. Nothing that I wish and been praying for come into reality. So what I need is another bigger patience that I already I have.

Do you think I can go through this patience test?

Love Is Blind???

What's to look in his face? He's not that good looking. Compare to my gym crush ( wondering where he's been ?) he's not that hot. But why he's always in my mind? Why he's the one I miss ? He's the one who can create the butterflies in my stomach.

I tried to look for someone else, but no chemistry there. I really miss him. He probably doesn't........

How I Miss You

I miss you badly. I miss everything about you. From your smell,your cheekiness, everything.

Do you miss me like i miss you ? If you miss me, never go away .
Hopefully, you'll come stay someday.

Being Patient : Day 1

First day in applying my patience in life. Who says it's very easy? It's very difficult although it's not impossible to do it.

I'm still hoping to get the job, wishing that company to call me. If it is a great expectation then a short text message from him always make my day.

I've been missing him so bad, very bad.

However..anyway..even though the day went so wrong I wouldn't change a thing..just be patient..

Learning To Be Patient : Time to Cool

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble

-Titus Maccius Plautus-

Things are not going my way recently. I was anxiously waiting for the result of my interview and I kept my cell phone everywhere hoping it will ring. But it didn't ring at all. How crap is that? Love life isn't as I expected to be, working life is so boring, my dream to go to school seems shattered etc. I even mad to God how he makes my life so miserable. I want to cry, I want to scream how unfair the life is, I want to be mad.

Took me nearly 3 days to figure out that patience is all I need and I can't agree more to the quote above.

I don't need to dwell and I don't need to complain. What I need to do is accepting the imperfections in life. I need to find another opportunities. If somehow I fail to this interview it means I have to practice more for next interview. I will take it as reminder that I need room for improvement.

For school, I need to put extra effort..and for relationship ? Well just patient, he'll come when the right time comes.

Even I'm writing about patience today, doesn't mean I'm instantly become the most patient woman in the world. But more to my self learning and journey to become a patient person. Like every journey, there are always obstacles anc challenges along the way. There would be time I would lose my cool, there would be some people who pressing the angry button and so on. The only thing I can do is remind myself to be patient in everything.